Monday, September 17, 2007

Superman Returned--Badly.

Spoilers Lie Ahead for Superman Returns.

I wasn't going to post this but a friend of mine posted some thoughts on Superman Returns and asked my opinion. So, here goes:

"Superman Returns" is a movie in need of a good editor. Not just some ham-handed nerdy comic book guy who screams bloody murder every time a movie veers from nearly 70 years of convoluted continuity, but someone on set who could have asked Bryan Singer some very simple questions to avoid the distracting details that prevented this from becoming a truly great movie, instead of a love letter to Richard Donner's 1978 "Superman The Movie:”

Why did Superman need a spaceship to go to Krypton? The movie Superman has never had difficulty flying in space without a suit or a ship? Did he take books on crystal to listen to? Or was it simply the imagery of his returning to Earth the same way he first arrived? Oops, I think I answered my own question.

Why does young Clark Kent wear glasses if he was never Superboy? I don’t have a problem with him never being Superboy, but if he didn’t have to disguise himself, why would he wear glasses?

Why does Clark Kent pull his shirt apart to reveal the Superman logo in the middle of a busy street while running at a normal human speed? I get the iconic image bit and that Chris Reeve did it, but that’s just silly. He usually did the iconic thing in a storage closet, not where dozens of people could see it.

Why does Superman have an “S” on his belt? Isn’t the one on his chest enough?

When Superman saves the crashing plane by landing it in a baseball stadium, why does he just leave it there? Perry White even asks the question, “How are they going to get that plane out of the stadium,” so it’s evident that he didn’t. That’s an operation that’s going to cost the baseball team owners thousands if not millions in revenue and it would disrupt the lives of everyone involved with the team as a business.

What did they mean by saying Luthor didn't go to jail because Superman wasn't there to testify? Luthor was complicit in a coup attempt of the United States in an overt assault on the White House. Might there have been a few Secret Service agents who were willing to stand up in court? The President may have made a decent witness, if not.

Why is Superman a stalker? Good grief, when he’s not listening in on Perry White and Lois in a private conversation in Perry’s office, he’s following her home and looking inside her house like a super-powered peeping tom. It’s one thing to monitor the world for trouble, but come on!

Assuming this movie takes Superman and Superman II as canon, didn’t Lois wonder why she was pregnant, when Superman removed her memories of them being together? Did she just wake up with morning sickness, take an EPT and assume it was an immaculate conception?
If Superman left Earth five years ago, how old was Lois when he left? 17? Actress Kate Bosworth was 22 years old when her scenes for this movie were shot and she looks every bit of it.

“I hope this hasn’t put you off flying. Statistically speaking, it’s still the safest way to travel.” I hope they paid some royalties to whoever wrote that line in “Superman The Movie”.

Luthor’s plot to steal the Kryptonite from “Addis Ababa, 1978.” Funny, we thought he already stole that one in “Superman The Movie.” Remember Otis’ line: “Are we going to Addis Ababa, Mr. Luthor?”

Luthor making a grab for land is a bit familiar and tacky. How is he going to enforce his claim to ownership of this new island that covers nearly half of the continental United States? At least in “Superman The Movie” he went to the trouble of purchasing the land that would remain when California sank into the Pacific Ocean.

Those thugs who were on the new land mass when Superman lifted it into space--what happened to them? They were either crushed by falling rock, fell off into the ocean, or died of exposure to space. Superman doesn’t kill, but I guess he just figured that since they beat the tar out of him, it was okay.

I have plenty more, but I already feel like the aforementioned nerdy comic book guy and a grumpy one besides.

1 comment:

Martin said...

Jim, thanks for that review. Man, you are so right on all those plot points. Sloppy sloppy sloppy writing.