Trick or Treat

Okay, seriously, this country needs to get a grip.

Trick or treat times are published in the newspaper and conclude before dark. Before DARK? Are you frakking kidding me?? When I was a kid, there wasn't any point in going out before dark. I still remember getting clotheslined by a guy-wire on a utility pole at a full run because I didn't see it. You didn't see me crying about it. I spit out the blood I coughed up and went on my merry way.

And putting a coat on over a costume is an insult to the costume. If you're such a sissy that you have to wear a coat while you're out raising heck on Halloween night, then you don't deserve any candy. I heard a parent today actually say, "You need to put a coat on. You'll catch cold." Lady, no kid in the history of the universe EVER caught a cold because it was 45 degrees outside. Colds are caused by viruses, not a slight chill in the air. Besides, if you're doing Halloween right, you're tearing around the neighborhood causing mayhem, not politely walking from house to house, begging for candy.

And today (I can't even legitimately say tonight) my daughter was complimented because she said, "Happy Halloween" instead of "Trick or treat." I should have put her in time out. The whole idea of trick or treat is to extort people into giving you something so that you don't play a prank on them. We're raising a bunch of frakking pansies here.

Man, I miss George Carlin.